Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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