I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
