shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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