hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
