Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
