Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
