I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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