I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
