Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
