Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
