im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
