how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
