Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
