I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my shit smells like andre
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
