just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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