I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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