And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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