I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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