I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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