im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
