I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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