I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
