I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
