So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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