There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
