I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
