somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Bring me that man meat
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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