yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
