dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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