opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
