So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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