Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
