I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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