I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
