Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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