My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
