Me too!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
