I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's the barista slut.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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