i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
