How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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