sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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