these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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