She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
