Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
