and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Me too!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
