I seem to have left my pride at pride
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
