She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
