we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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