Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
