look no pants
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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